I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
