broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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