her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
