it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
