So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
