Got a toothbrush?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
