I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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