he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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