Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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