C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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