My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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