theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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