Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Enjoy the penises
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
