I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
