why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
