saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
