careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
