Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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