I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize