I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
