We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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