He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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