I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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