i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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