I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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