she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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