I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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