when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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