Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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