Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
