so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Your cock deserves a montage
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
