she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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