i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
