She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The uberlube is also flammable
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
