she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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