I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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