Jerry, you need to find god
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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