Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize