Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
