if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
