You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
