just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
