The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
