I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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