I hope mine doesn't look like that
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
