Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think people are normalizing furries
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
