The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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