I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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