do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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