He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
