I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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