Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Everything about him screamed your future.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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