I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
