How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
