They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
