Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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