he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
