your parents love me but you hate me
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
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