Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
