Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
