I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
