ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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