Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
