dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
