I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
