Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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