So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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