You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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