lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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