remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize