yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize