I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
