Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
