I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
