You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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