just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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