I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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